Dreams, Hopes and Reality
* * *
Moonlight Gave a Momentary Bliss
Shadows moves in spontaneity
* * *
This time, its unusual...when I came to my place there she was...sulking in one corner. Leftovers of marijuana are all over the place. She looked high and probably took also a couple of drinks as well. I stared at her hugging herself, brushing her hair, screaming and crying. She looked at the wall, with trembling hands she tries to scrape of something...she's touching something. I move closer to see. Her hands are bleeding now, she won't stop crying. I wanted to hold her but I can't. Then, on the wall are couple of names...written in pen…Dante and Anna.
Who is Dante and Anna? Then, bits of memories flashes to me…
* * *
My name is Dante, a shoe shine boy in San Pedro. This is where I make a living, in a dusty arid atmosphere where people flock towards unknown destinations. I'm almost nineteen now and here am I still waiting in a park for passers who have untidy shoes so I could over them my services for a mere price that would keep me barely alive just even for a day.
Its already night time, past 8...i think. Chowed down a couple of breads and lefts some pesos for morning coffee. I felt lucky today since I bagged 4 customers where people like me usually have none.
In a dirty black shirt with messy hair, I strolled the streets again. I do this on a regular basis, the slow striding walk towards my sanctuary, my place that I call my own -- a dark alley where I sleep in solitude. No cozy bed, just a sheet of unusued cardboards. No pillows, just a pile of unpaired shoes and garbage. No bed covers, just newspapers enough to keep me warm through out the night.
Before I decide to call it a day, I stand just in the corner of the alley. My cigarrette is my only friend and my best buddy, I think. It keeps me calm and it always reminds me how my life is worth nothing. Everyday, I also do this and there is something I always do or rather see...a girl.
* * *
Anna...so pretty. With those chinese eyes that vanishes everytime she smiles I can't help but be amazed. She had fair skin and long brown hair. Darn! Everynight I see her, everynight I wish she can be mine. Nah! She's for everyone not just mine, silly me, dreaming again.
She works in the street just like me, she also offers her services for a price and usually they gather in groups waiting and hoping for clients to choose them. Anna is the prettiest of them all, she usually ends up having 6 to 12 clients a night or more. Clients would prefer her for she also has a slim average body and long legs. I wonder...what would it feel like to be with her...just even for a couple of minutes. I bang my head with my hands...again, I am dreaming.
I slept.
I slept very peacefully.
Then...
Someone touches my body.
Huh? I was stunned for a moment. Who? Wha--t?
I couldn't see its face but it felt good. Its warm...so warm. I turned around trying to have a glimpse, or a look on someone's face. Then, a small light from the window wounded the darkness to show barely the person's face. Anna...
What the...?
Can I stay here?
Huh? I don't know what or how to respond.
Please?
She continues to touch my body all over. Then, she slowly kissed me. Gripping me hard until I can feel her nails bury at my back.
Can you be mine? I whispered.
Sure...she replied with a moan as a touched and caress her most intimate part.
* * *
The night became ours
An unlikely dream...worth remembering.
* * *
Hi! How are you?
What...what did you say...
It's morning already, I have to go. Thanks!
Wait...wait...
Oh! By the way, I'm Anna...
I k..know. I'm Dante.
See you later.
Wait...
She was gone....i wanted to ask if I can see her still. But I guess, my luck has ran out. But i was happy, damn so happy. Hours passed and i still kept thinking about it. Its so unimaginable and bizzare for me. Sometimes, i find myself grinning and smiling about it. Until night time came again, and there she was the usual. I wonder if she'll drop by my place. How I wish...
This time she did came this time with couple of odd cigarettes we shared together. Mj's not hard to come by in this place but she also sells them. I wonder if I had been trick by making loved to her so she could make me one of her clients. Probably, but i really don't care...she was with me and that's all I wanted.
* * *
Fate has its ways
Of making strangers
into lovers
* * *
That's probably how we started out. Right now, we are still in the same spot where we once met. We are going to have our baby now and it scares the both of us, we can't guarantee a good life to our child and many times we argued about if we should keep it or not. She always has the upperhand in things, she always was tough and decided to keep our baby. This time its different...she can't work so I have to take it on my own.
I sell bunch of stuffs now. But still its not enough. As far as I wanted to have a job, i can't. I had bad records and been to jail twice. My fate is sealed...my life is going to nowhere. My life disgust me and I blame a lot of people for being this way and I blame myself as well. It's so hard continue living knowing that whatever I do, I can't change anything...I felt helpless.
Its almost sundown...we haven't taken our lunch yet. I am on the street waiting, begging for passers to drop even a single peso. On the other side of the street, Anna, doing the same thing as I am. I stared at her, sad...so sad...she shouldn't have this kind of life.Anna looked at me back, i wonder what she is thinking, but she smiled at me but no matter how much I force myself I can't smile back.I just waved at her...she nodded in response.
I stood up and went to her.
Hey! Come on...
Why? W--where?
Just come with me
We went inside a store. Anna knew in an instant what's going to happen. She held my hand tightly. I got over the shelves for some noodles and bread. She hid something as well under her skirt. She gave me a strong look, alright...we're done. Moments later we are walking off towards the exit. Slowly, hoping that nobody notices. I glanced at the guard laughing while talking with someone, now is a good chance. I gripped her hand...now!
Clang!!
The guard notices that a canned food dropped on the floor from Anna's skirt.
Stop there!!!
Anna Run! Let's run!
We ran as fast as we could. This could be dangerous as Anna is pregnant but we have no other choice at the moment. Our mind raced in different directions we must take just to be safe. Still, I won't let go of Anna. I can't afford to.
Sweat dripping to our neck. We move around the corners of the street until we reached our sanctuary. We were definitely exhausted and looked at each other faces. We laughed our hearts out for what we have been through just minutes ago. She held my face...and I slowly stopped laughing. My tears fell slowly one by one.
Don't shed a tear. She tells me. I am perfectly fine.
And again...she gave me that smile...that smile that lifted my heart and gave me such a light feeling.
* * *
Dazzling and enchanting
Those lips will haunt me forever I know
* * *
We were munching down on what we had left from yesterday. I was looking at her belly, and I started to ask her about stuffs.
Do you still dream, Anna?
What do you mean dream? Like dream dreams of what may come or dreams like in a sleep?
What I mean is that do you still look forward for a certain future?
I guess...yes, probably I still do. She touches her belly in circular motion. Dante, to be honest since I have this baby inside me I wanted to be a good parent. I am not perfect I know but I wanted to give her something which i never had when i was young...love, care and comfort. I know we don't have much but I will do everything so that her life will be not something like we have right now. She started sobbing, but her fist clenched telling me that she is strong enough for this kind of things. I wanted her to grow up like a normal kid, have a normal life, go to school, graduate and probably have a decent job...my dreams maybe something that she can...have and make it into reality where I can't.
It gripped my heart.
Her words echoed something that I must remember. I too will do everything...not just for Anna but for my family. I will protect you, I promise. Both of you.
She continued...
I continued to strive for the reason that she is in me and that gives me the spirit to look forward into something. A little bit of happiness that means the whole world to me. She is everything I have and my life has changed because of you and her.
Dante, I am making a promise to you to take good care of you as well and love you forever. Then, she got a pen and wrote our names on the wall. She turned her back to look at me and gave a sweet charming smile.
* * *
Faded dreams...
In a single ray of light
How heavens could give you such hope
with just a single life
* * *
Argghhh!! Anna, my head hurts.
Oh! Let me see...geeshhh! You got a high one. Fever or something. How do you feel..
I'm too weak even to get up and and I felt like burning up.
Just you wait there, I'll find some ways. Just wait...
So dizzy and disoriented.I couldn't even lift my hands. She walks down the pathway as I lay down sweating. Then she vanishes through the corner. Am I thinking wrong of what is she’s gonna do next. God! I don't want to think...is she going to do it again. I thought she stopped.
Anna, where are you going...what are you up to? But I guess she can't hear me no matter how hard I try. Anna...
Anna stood in front of the street and met a couple of friends she knew. She talked to a woman first then the next thing a car stopped in front of her. She leaned through the window.
How much? The man said.
Five hundred...but you must understand its only blow job...nothing more...she shows her belly.
The man nodded and opened the car door. Anna hopped in. Minutes later they are in a dark alley, Anna felt a sudden chill as the man gazed at her with cruel intentions. She kept her calm and reminded herself that this is just one of those days and nothing more. Anna bended over and the man moaned in delight.
I'm coming...said the man. I want everything you got. Without warning, the man ripped out Anna's clothes.
What are you doing?
I want more than just a blowjob you bitch, bend over. No...noo...we agreed already.
Shut up! Then the man throwed a hard slap in Anna's face. She was stunned and began to be frightened of the man.She opened the car door and took a huge fast step outside it. Yet...
Arrrgggghh...
The man grabbed Anna's wrist and pulled her back. Anna fought moving in different directions just to get away from the man. Then, a hard punch from the man struck Anna's jaw and it gave a crackling sound. Anna was lost but instinct take control and her hand fastly took hold of the man's wallet at the back of his faded jeans. The man smacked her again this time, her lips was drenched in blood. Still with little conscioussness and gave huge kick in the belly of the man which gave him a grunt.In an instant, Anna reached for the man's back pocket grabbing his wallet.
Fastly, Anna ran....to nowhere...
----------------
Ohhh!!! My head...
Are you all right? Here drink this...
Anna where have you been? How long have I been out?
Probably just a couple of hours.
How did you came up with the money?
I'm sorry...so so sorry.
Huh? Why...
She said nothing.
What's wrong...I reached for Anna's face. Then it strucked me, a slim light reflected at Anna's face. It horrified me.
Dark blue patches on her face.
What the fuck happened to you? Who did this?
No its nothing...Anna's tears began to form in the corner of her eyes yet she's holding back.
My God! Anna, what happened...I insisted.
I got up with the least of my strength. Rage was building up inside me. Anna held my hand.
What is important is you?
No..no...NO!!! This is wrong...what were you thinking??? Are you stupid or something? You promised never to come back to that kind of job?
All I ever thought was you?
No...no...no...you gotta think for yourself as well! How could----
I could never finish the things I wish I would tell her just by looking at her. She was sobbing and continued to held my hand. Anna...oh! anna...
It pains me seeing her like that. It kills me. I punched the wall and it left my hand bleeding, numb. Over and over again I hit the wall with ferocity and madness took over me.
Why? Why does these things happen to us? Why....
There were so many questions, I was mumbling and throwing things around until I couldn't bear it anymore. My whole strength was drained and my body suddenly gave out. I couldn't move my hand now even as i wanted. There was nothing left for me to do but helplessly submit as I breakdown...
* * * *
How fate sometimes
gives us little or no choices
at all
* * * *
A faint noise.
Slowly growing louder and louder.
A mumble and a thrashing sound of a garbage can.
I got up and noticed a shadow in the alley. It woked Anna up as well. It seems moving in different directions. Its a silhoutte of a man and probably drunk as it sways and tumbles the garbages on its way.
Wait here Anna. I'm going to take care of it.
I slowly walked out of our quarters and head towards the person.
Hey! Hey! What are you doing there?
The man didn't respond. Suddenly, the man fell down on the alley way. I move closer to help. Are you ok man, here let me give you a hand.
No thanks! I'm just fine.
In a sudden, he punched my stomach. I pushed him strongly away. What's wrong with you! And I punched back but it didn't reached him. I felt weakened in an instant. I begin to feel the pain of what he did. I touched my belly and it felt warm then suddenly I was overwhelmed with dread. It was blood. He struck me with knife.
Bastard!!! What the fuck did you...
He struck me again and again...
My mind raced...I had no other thoughts but Anna. Oh! Anna...I am scared.
Anna!!!! I screamed.
Oh shit! I shouldn't have called her. But it was too late, I hear running footsteps toward us. Anna calling out my name.
Dante!
Anna...no! Don't come near....
It was too late.
I wish I didn't call her.
The man ran towards her and stabbed Anna in the belly. The man held Anna in the back of the neck. Face to face the man gave a grin and kissed her while he pushed the knife more and more to her belly. Droplets of crimson tide reflected in a ray of moonlight slowly ruining her dress. She called out my name and screamed in hellish pain.
Shit!!!!! Fuck...the baby! I am horrified just to imagine that knife struck the baby inside Anna.
Figures move toward us. People there are people. I screamed in the loudest top of my voice for help. The man was alarmed and quickly pulled out the knife in Anna's body. He then ran and just vanished in the shadows.
Anna didn't move. She didn't know what to do. She touched her belly. She thought of...our baby. Blood flushed out her belly. Anna fainted and fell to the ground. I crawled to her. I was panicking a lot. I rushed to her side and touched her face. My tears are building up in the corner of my eyes. I was shaking so badly and my heartbeat racing. Tell me you're alright? Anna!!! Say something......
NOooooooo!!!!!...then everything went dark for me.
* * * *
How much have we sinned
Did God hate us this much
* * * *
Now I understand everything...
This woman is my wife before. As much as I wanted to hold her again, I can't. She don't even see me even as I am looking at her face to face. How it grieves me to see her like this with tears flowing in her face as she scrapes and stares at our names on the wall. She's so thin and pale now...and I understand the reason why she is touching her belly...a scar...our baby.
As she touches her belly, she remembered her dreams fading away and how happy we could have been even though the world doesn't work our way. Its enough for her to have me and the baby and the world would seem a better place to live in.
Then, she slowly pulled a knife from somewhere and slashed her wrist in an instant.
She fell and never stopped crying as she lay there waiting for everything to end.
Slowly...slowly...slowly her life faded away.
At the last moment, it seems he sees me. I touched her hand but it felt nothing...i can't feel anything. I'm gonna be with you again, she murmured.
Sad...I am so sad.
* * * *
In the end, people forget
Stories pass away...
Memories unremembered
and
life continues to go on.
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Luis Antonio Roldan
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